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John Waters on BBC's So Graham Norton

by Mike Morton

Picture the scene...

Graham Norton is dressed up in an Edna Turnblad wig! He introduces John Waters who is escorted through the crowd by two cute boys in drag! John is wearing a psychedelic looking jacket, faded reds & yellows, white shirt with gold tie, stripey socks and a pair of bright red shoes! Sound awful? Well no, he looks great!!!

John's hair may be receding but his humour most certainly is not. He talks about how crap Forrest Gump and Witness were and he talks about Pecker as if it had just come out! The Teabagging thing is discussed at length.

He says "after Pecker they had teabag contests - let's do the lip-dude (did I hear that right?) or the flow-through! But I never went 'cos they would all run over to me and I would get a bruised forehead. Now they've changed the laws in Baltimore, so you can dance totally naked so they don't teabag no more, now it's the Helicopter. That's when you have an erection and you wap! wap! wap!", John gestures slapping it all over the place!!

He goes on to tell of his "Shopping For Others" games as seen in Pecker. Then Graham Norton searches the www for The Rude Restaurants Of America, pinpointing Baltimore's Benders Tavern which John hasn't heard of. They choose Fannys in New York as the best one to telephone though. John goes on to say he has seen a restaurant in London called The Bung Hole. "Does it mean the same here" he asks, then adds "English is a great language isn't it?" GN adds, "I'd love to see their menu."

This goes into a discussion about benders. John says in the States you get drunk and go on a bender. Over here, in the UK it is a derogatary term for a gay guy. John seems confused at the language difference. Another funny part of the show is when John had to use "testicle-cam" - a camera mounted on a dart decorated with bollocks. John had to aim at a wall of pictures of tonights audience. He hits a cute guy lying naked on a bed... bullseye!

Another sketch followed to introduce the next guest Helena Bonham Carter. Graham was Frankenstein and John was Igor. Both dressed in white coats! Graham Norton then shows off his remarkable suit, made from special heat-sensitive material, made by Alexander McQueen. His armpits and crotch have now turned bright orange much to John's delight. "That's great, that's the most radical fashion I have seen in quite some time" John states.

This show was 50 minutes long and John stayed on throughout the whole show. He appeared in one more sketch taking the piss yet again out of Helena Bonham Carter's atrocious movies. It was called "Baboon With A View" and John wore black spectacles, huge furry orange monkey hands with a tea-towel draped over his arm. His major line was, "Sorry Sir, I've been spanking the monkey." A classic John Waters TV appearance... see it if you can.

Mike Morton

Make sure to check out Mike's photos of Divine performances from the UK